Saturday, May 2, 2015

Unspoken Sadness

I think I'm so strong like a rock
like a pillar
like a boulder

I think I'm so cool
like the snow
like an igloo

I think I'm so tough
like a blood stain
like a viking

New Information was revealed
It was discovered
It was known

Suddenly I am no rock
suddenly I am not so cool
suddenly I am not so tough
Suddenly. I. AM ruined.


Thursday, December 13, 2012

Rise and Shine Baby

I swear to you I dream with him every night. I'm not really sure what he looks like, or what he does or what he believes in. I just know he loves me, and oh boy does he love me. I know I might have a delusional expectation of men in out generation, but it can happen right? Ahhh why not.
This is the first entry so a little something... Enjoy

Oh but in my dreams.....

He smells good, his natural odor brings me in. As I wake up in our bed, I can smell his scent on every inch of the pillows. Such a beautiful fragrance. I decide to get up and join him. As I walk to the shower, I slowly take off my clothes, and glance at the mirror to make sure I look decent. "It'll do", I think to myself. I open the door and a mixture of hot steam and body wash pours out. I can see him now.
His broad shoulders and his muscular back. His strong and muscular thighs. His waist leading to his strong but beautiful buttock. Wow. Always so breathtaking. He turns to me, with a smile slowly sprawling across his gorgeous face. Such a strong face, with his full lips and straight teeth. His prominent cheek bones and schizzled chin. And his eyes, his beautiful blue eyes. Now those I could stare at forever.
I love him. I look up at him and I know that my being depends on him. He looks at me like he is thinking the same thing.
"Scrub my back? he says,
"My pleasure",  I reply.
 I take the sponge from his hand, and lather it up. I run my left hand down his spine first, his beautiful skin flawless. After I scrub him, he lets the water rinse him off, he turns to me and touches my cheek.
"Good Morning" I say,
"Hey baby, how did you sleep?"
"Like an angel," I beam at him
"How fitting," he laughs
"What?"
"Nothing"
I throw the sponge at him, "What!?"
He grabs me by the wrist and lays my hangs on his chest, "It's fitting because, as I woke up you were still asleep and I thought you looked like an angel"
"Oh stop it" I blush
"You wanted to know right?"
"That, I did" I say as I slowly run my hands south.
As my hands go lower he pushes me against the shower wall, and I smile.
I look up at him, knowing that my eyes are full of need.
Without hesitation he smoothly runs his hand down my thigh and hitches my leg up to his waist. I run my hands down his arms, feeling the muscle flex beneath my palms. I can no longer take it.
I wrap the other leg on the other side of waist, and he holds me close against the wall.
I kiss him softly and tenderly, taking my time as I slip in my tongue into his mouth. I close my eyes to make sure all my senses are focused on his touch. As he kisses me back he lightly tugs on my lower lip.  Aghhhh I think, he really wants this too right now. His hands are holding me up my my buttock. His hands grabbing me strong. As he frees one hand, he pushes me harder into the wall for more support. His other hand slowly caresses my leg, my thigh, my waist. He then puts his hand on my breast and uses his entire hand to squeeze it. As we kiss I smile, he loves my breasts. He tugs on my nipple and under his touch they obey. I open my eyes and look at him in the eyes. This is my beautiful man. My beautiful husband. As we stare at each other, he slowly enters me. My eyes widen a bit, they always do and he loves the reaction. I wrap my legs harder around his waist so I can feel him deeper inside me. It feels amazing. It always does. This is when I feel whole, when I am complete. He slowly moves his hips back and forth and his hand never frees my breast. My arms are wrapped around neck and I start kissing his chin, his jawline, his neck...
This is my heaven, him being inside me, and his skin touching mine. I stop kissing him and instead rest my forehead on his. Our panting is getting louder and I start moaning. I put one hand on his head and gently tug on his dark brown hair. I love his silky hair. As the familiar tension builds inside of me, I pull his hair with a little more force. He frees my breast and wraps both arms around my waist and squeezes my body. My orgasm is a few seconds away and my body is anxious to greet it,
"Come with me", he whispers in my ear.
And in sync we both find our release.
We stay just like that for a couple minutes, embracing each other and the sensation bestowed on us. As the water continues to pour on us, I attempt to unwrap my legs from around his hips.
"No" he says
"Huh?" I pant back
"This right here, being inside you afterwards. This is amazing" he breathes into my cheek.
He is absolutely right. I love the simple feeling of him inside of me.
"Baby, we have to go to get ready now" I tell him, even though I don't want to move either.
He lets go of my thigh and I unhinge myself from him.

I lay across the bed wrapped in my towel as I watch him standing at his closet door. His towel wrapped around his waist loosely, my mind struggles to stay centered. I am distracted my his abdomen muscle and his V-cut coming down from his hips. That cut drives me insane.
"Like the view?" he shyly smiles at me.
"Oh baby, you know I do"
"Well if you didn't have that huge towel completely covering you..."
My eyes widen as I see him slowly walking towards me.
"No, Peter. Get dressed! You're going to be late to work, again!"  laugh as he stands in front of me.
"So? I'm the boss. I would love for someone to try to say anything."
He pulls his fingers through my hand with one hand, and holds by face with the other hand. I push my cheek into his palm and close  my eyes.
"I love you", he says looking down at me.
I open my eyes and stare up at him.
"I love you too, baby" I smile at him. "Now get dressed!" I playfully push him away.
He laughs and walks back to the closet. His laugh is infectious, it gets me in such a happy mood.
As he makes me breakfast, I sit at one of the benches at the counter looking over a paper I finished last night.
"A+ paper?" he asks.
"More like a B paper, there's something missing I cant think of."
He turns to look at it and laughs, "Your name is missing at the top baby"
"Shut up!" I say and look at it again.
"Fuck, you're right. Wow you can even tell on paper that my head is in the clouds."
I run back to my desk in the living room and open the document to add my name at the top. As I read over everything again, he walks over to my desk with my plate in hand.
"Thank you" I say as I still stare at my laptop.
He puts the plate down and I feel him sit next to me.
I look over at him, and he seems nervous.
"What's wrong?" I ask him.
I wanted to know if you've thought about what we spoke about two nights ago at dinner.
I squint at him, knowing exactly what he's talking about.
"I haven't had much time, with school and all..." I mumble back.
Peter wants to have a baby in the near future. He wants a flesh and bone human being thats half him half me. He is so anxious for this.
I look at him and sigh, "Peter.. I.." and words fail to work with my thoughts.
"Okay, don't say anything yet, just think about it.  We can talk about it later tonight", he says quickly and stands up. I feel bad, this is a topic of conversation that is very touchy for me, but Peter doesn't really know that yet.

He grabs his keys to the car and walks towards me. Peter grabs my chin and kisses me slowly, longer than a usual goodbye kiss. He leaves me slightly breathless as he pulls away. He walks to the door, and as he opens it, he turns around to look at me with his half smile.
"Be ready at 7:30, I'm taking you out to dinner"
"Okaaaaay" I say back with my eyes squinted.
He turns around and shuts the door behind him.
His tone of voice tipped me off. He's up to something. I face my desk again and find a rose laying next to my breakfast plate. Wow he's smooth, I think to myself. Inferring from the last topic of conversation, I knew what he was up to. He was going to change my mind about having a baby. and he wasn't going to play fair.
Humphhh.. two can play that game baby

Saturday, December 24, 2011

IN LOVE.

Im gonna treat this like a Diary, a place where I can put all the thoughts that I try to convince myself to not think about. The sanctuary where my thoughts can have its purpose and exposure.
Theres a guy I met over the summer. The kind of guy i never saw myself with. I always thought id fall for a white boy with pretty eyes and blonde hair. Its what I had hoped for. Instead I met a guy who towered over me and who was ghetto-ish but stylish. A guy whose main hobby was something I loved.
This guy I fell for so hard, and it didnt take that much.
Simple times, like writing papers together or making a rap, or sneaking around after hours or just holding hands on the way back from a party. THOSE nights made me feel ALIVE. 
Nights like when you would text me stupid things. Times when I would play around with you.
Times where we connected. 
The stupid things you told me, like you like the way I walk, or how Maxwell's "A Womans Worth" from Love & Basketball represented how you felt about me.
I dont think this kid understands how hard I fell. I fell hard.
He didnt have to do anything, he just had to be himself.
He opened up to me, showed me a side I knew was otherwise unexposed.
I knew he was the kind of guy who slept around.
But I also knew he loved his mother above anything.
I knew he coulnt be with just one girl.
But I also knew why, because he'd been hurt before.
I knew he wasnt ready for what my heart was accumulating
But I Didnt care, because fast and sure enough I was falling in love. 

This was just the start. The start to my turmoil.
The links I had with others, the fights we had. The public in-my-face flirt-a-thons
We had something short and intense, but it just made all the small things so great.
I tried moving on, It felt like the customary thing to do.
I even tried doing the "Georgetown Thing"
I moved on to talk to other guys and even made an important decision concerning one particular one.
I thought that guy was enough to get me over him, so I let him in my world.
I opened myself up again and I thought it was working.
He Hurt me too.
He hurt me deep
But because I was still in love it had no impact after the first 3 days
I guess not even he helped me move on. 
While talking to him I was dreaming of the other.
Because to my heart there was no other then My Summer Time Love.
Even now im okay with just seeing him. It makes me happy to see him well.
We're not even friends but I love him.
I never forget what the summer was about even though I know he probably has. 

One day I tell myself
One day he will be mine.
One say he will wrap his arms around me again
one day he will smile at me with that beautiful smile and his contagious laughter.
One day these tears of sadness will be tears of joy

I cant wait to be the reason he smiles, or have my hand be in his.
I cant wait to show him a side of me i discovered that i KNOW he'd like.
I cant wait to know that one day he can feel what Ive felt all along.
I cant wait for him to fall for me.. stronger than before.

I love him. I absolutely do.
I breathe him, I dream him, I am there.
Im always there for you if you need it
Your happiness comes first.
Even if that means you are with someone else.
If they make you happy Im glad you have them.
Ill always be here.. I found my solution, my method.

Using others to move on isnt the solution. The solution is to accept im in love with you and just live life and focus on what matters. If you are meant to be mine, you'll come back because Lord knows ill be here for you forever and whenever. Ill be here.

Te Amo, Te Amo
Im In Love with you
Because,

I L O V E Y O U

Sunday, November 13, 2011

SEX

Guys talk about it, they publicize it
they brag and debate about

newsflash: So do girls
Men like sex, lets face it. And girls are supposed to just go along with it
Girls like it to. Girls like getting freaky and kinky and getting down.

We're down with props, whip cream and toys
We'll wear the lingerie as long as your eyes pop open and your hands start strokin

Yeah we like it when you take off our clothes slowly and kiss us everywhere
You can get aggressive, we can take it and do it anywhere
You can get kinky feel our body with your pinky
Let me tell you this we can go longer than you can
Take them vitamins and prove to us that you can be a real man
pick us up, turn us around, make love till your breathing come pounding hard
baby thats what we like
give it to me, keep it coming. 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Why to not give up H~O~P~E

I know how it feels when you are losing grip on yourself
sometimes things stop going the way you expected it to.
Situations in life become extremely hard but you can't lose it.
Try your hardest to keep cool becuase you can't lose HOPE

I know so mny people that go through the worst and do it everyday
pain becomes a neighbor and sorrow and despair become your left and right wing.
losing the battle is only natural thing
but you cannot

Let me tell you that things at home for so many people is a nightmare
they go to hell and back on a daily basis
its hard but it is worth it
imageine how strong you will be at the end, imagine how much more you will be able to endure
imagine the feeling of success when you overcome it
imagine saying goodbye to despair and the feeling of gratitude
to no one but yourself
you overcame it.
Keeping hope in times when shit is hard
its not impossible.
You can do it you can be what you want
diminish what gets in your way
and raise you head up high
because you have

H O P E

Monday, June 6, 2011

The Pain And Sorrow Of Losing A Baby

I just watched Secret Life of the American Teenager. Adrian lost her baby. Her and Ben are married. Amy decided she was ready to make love with Ricky. Thats a lot to think about. It makes me think about what I want in life and the things I wish will and will not happen.

What purpose do I have now? What is your purpose? Im just saying we need to appreciate our lives and what we do have. Like Ben and Adrian will learn, you do not TRULY appreciate something until it is gone. I am now going to appreciate.
Appreciate life, love, friends, family, loved ones, and the strangers I do not know yet but will.
I already love my future husband
my future kids
my future neighbors
and just anyone I will meet.

Pain and loss is so hard and it is difficult to overcome.
Things like losing a friend, a family member, ANYONE is hard.
I want to dedicate this post to the women who have children but lose them during the pregnancy. Especially teenage mothers, because on top of being young it is difficult to experience this for you, and for anyone I am sure.

Losing a baby is not easy, it is devastating and forever impacting. I do not want to even begin to describe the feelings and emotions because I have never been through it and it would be unfair for me to do so. I just write this to say that we love you and that I, Jessica Eileen Palencia, love you. I am sorry for the hurt and suffering that for me is unimaginable. I am sorry for the pain.

(A moment of silence)

We are here for you.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I know What Girls Like :)

Okay Fellas, Here is the thing. You guys are always complaining how girls are so complicated and how you never know what we are thinking. Look who is talking. The male species has got to be the most cave man like specie out there and I dont know about y'all but Me No Speak Cave Man.

So let me break a few things down for you:
This is a HANDBOOK to how ONLY Jessica Eileen Palencia likes to be treated by a suitor.
I am not speaking in behalf of all girls for all girls are very different. HOWEVER, i am speaking for many many girls, and you will know that your girl likes to be treated like this if she is classy and has similar qualities as I. 

Stage 1: We Just Met
Ok So many guys are pigs, yes, even the nice ones have their pig like side. DONT let me see that yet. Just dont. Dont mention sex, or "what would you do to me" questions. Back off with the physical and sexual stuff. That just tells me what matters to you. If we are just meeting please do not try taking things fast and making yourself so obssesed. Here is a secret to get a girl intrigued. Ready for this? DO NOT MAKE YOUR SELF TOO AVAILABLE! Girls love it when the guy is not easy. Tell me. What is so excited about a guy that is single, hitting on you, and is making it so obvious he has no game in his life. Like seriously be real? Girls like a catch, a guy that other girls want. Dont be mistaken though, this doesnt mean you want her to think you are a player or that your cocky, it just simply says, yes I am into you, BUT If I wanted to, there are other girls out there willing.
Another Thing. Dont go on asking all the time, what do you think of me so far or any other crusty stuff like that. It is annoying. Dont look for my approval, be strong.

Stage 2: We are "Talking"
Ok so if we are talking then that means that the girl is saying "hey, I like you and im interested and im willing to only talk talk to you". If a girl is saying that, then your doing something right. DO NOT F IT UP BY "TALKING" to any other girl than her. So if you are talking then  you can spice it up a bit. Do not go far with it, but tiny little things are fine. When describing a girl, girls love it when you use words like "gorgeous" or "beautiful" or "breath taking". I'd take those words any day over "hot" or "sexy" or "smoking". Those words can work at times too, but if your trying to get into her heart instead of her pants the first set of words can do the trick. Also, guys, get to know the girl and what pace she prefers. That doesn't mean you have to be boring, just know her boundries.
Scenerio 1  ---->  Lets Say She Doesnt do more than just kissing if they arent even going out yet. Ok so all you can do so far is kiss her, thats fine but make it UNFORGETABLE. You know what I mean. Bring out the charm and the chemistry and the romance. Take a walk out, lean her against a tree, say something sweet put your arm and both sides of her head, let her smell you cologne (make sure you have some gum, cuz if your breath stinks then that ruins it), look into her eyes, lean in slowly, and kiss her soft but strong, warm, but CONFIDENT. You can even make this hotter by doing this in the rain. :)

Stage 3: Going Out
Ahhhh ok, so lets face it, these days there is no difference between dating and going out or being a couple. It is all the same. So if you have gotten as far as being a couple, GOOD JOB! I hope you asked her out in a sweet memorable way. Girls like to remember dates and "first times"
At this point I cant tell you what to do, this is all a partner thing. At this point I can only tell you what I like. If we are going out, guys tend to think, the excitement of getting the girl is over. Don't be an idiot, if you thought that was exciting, it gets better. Your the guy! Have fun with it! Just because we are going out, it doesnt mean you can stop doing things that you did before. Dont just STOP being sweet and charming, if anything make it even more powerful so that you can KEEP me.
Things to Do:
1. Still open doors for me, hold my bag, carry my books, scoot out the chair before I sit. I am your PRINCESS FOOL!
2. Make things hot. By now you know the boundries. Dont push. DONT. Go at the girls speed, but like i said, have fun with it. Make things hot, make it romantic, Spice it up.
3. Dont treat the girl like you can just deal with her later. Translation. Dont ditch her for video games, or boys night. Obviously you cand do these things, im not saying dont, I just mean that when she takes time out for you, you should do the same.
4. Please Please. Understand this. ILL EVEN BREAK THIS CAVE MAN STYLE FOR YOU. DO NOT CHEAT. JUST DONT. Getting past this is not easy, and most girls will either A) Break up with you. B) Get back with you, but things are never the same C) Do something with another guy to get back D) Do something hurtful and creative. Dont risk it. Just Keep you tongue, hands, lips, and penis to yourself.

How to Keep the relationship Flowing:
1. Guys please use your Brain. Girls are suckers for sweet things and romance. Do surprise gifts, or visits. Im not saying go expensive, but small things go a long way. A note at her locker. A letter in her purse. A surprise visit, a walk to class out of nowhere. Small things go a long way.
2. Be sweet.
3. This is why I said dont go to fast, the slower you took things, the more new things you have left to do later. Its fun :)
4. Personally, I am a little kinky, a lot of girls secretly are. Bring on the fun and games, and whip cream.
5. You better kiss me in the rain and hold me tight.
6. Late night phone calls just to say I love you and iim thinking about you.

So guys, What have We learned here so far? Basically take things slow, get to know the girl, be sweet, be honest me romantic. Do what you gotta do, but be a gentleman, NO GIRLS IN THEIR RIGHT MIND like a pig. Sex shouldnt be what matters, The girl is what matters. Show her that. Dont be afraid to show a girl her soft side. Be fun.! Be best friends! Tell each other secrets. Be loving. Be sleek sexy and cool. Visit her randomly just to give her a kiss or a hug. Show her she matters.

Well Peeps, thanks for reading. Until Later, With Love,

Jessica Palencia <3