Im gonna treat this like a Diary, a place where I can put all the thoughts that I try to convince myself to not think about. The sanctuary where my thoughts can have its purpose and exposure.
Theres a guy I met over the summer. The kind of guy i never saw myself with. I always thought id fall for a white boy with pretty eyes and blonde hair. Its what I had hoped for. Instead I met a guy who towered over me and who was ghetto-ish but stylish. A guy whose main hobby was something I loved.
This guy I fell for so hard, and it didnt take that much.
Simple times, like writing papers together or making a rap, or sneaking around after hours or just holding hands on the way back from a party. THOSE nights made me feel ALIVE.
Nights like when you would text me stupid things. Times when I would play around with you.
Times where we connected.
The stupid things you told me, like you like the way I walk, or how Maxwell's "A Womans Worth" from Love & Basketball represented how you felt about me.
I dont think this kid understands how hard I fell. I fell hard.
He didnt have to do anything, he just had to be himself.
He opened up to me, showed me a side I knew was otherwise unexposed.
I knew he was the kind of guy who slept around.
But I also knew he loved his mother above anything.
I knew he coulnt be with just one girl.
But I also knew why, because he'd been hurt before.
I knew he wasnt ready for what my heart was accumulating
But I Didnt care, because fast and sure enough I was falling in love.
This was just the start. The start to my turmoil.
The links I had with others, the fights we had. The public in-my-face flirt-a-thons
We had something short and intense, but it just made all the small things so great.
I tried moving on, It felt like the customary thing to do.
I even tried doing the "Georgetown Thing"
I moved on to talk to other guys and even made an important decision concerning one particular one.
I thought that guy was enough to get me over him, so I let him in my world.
I opened myself up again and I thought it was working.
He Hurt me too.
He hurt me deep
But because I was still in love it had no impact after the first 3 days
I guess not even he helped me move on.
While talking to him I was dreaming of the other.
Because to my heart there was no other then My Summer Time Love.
Even now im okay with just seeing him. It makes me happy to see him well.
We're not even friends but I love him.
I never forget what the summer was about even though I know he probably has.
One day I tell myself
One day he will be mine.
One say he will wrap his arms around me again
one day he will smile at me with that beautiful smile and his contagious laughter.
One day these tears of sadness will be tears of joy
I cant wait to be the reason he smiles, or have my hand be in his.
I cant wait to show him a side of me i discovered that i KNOW he'd like.
I cant wait to know that one day he can feel what Ive felt all along.
I cant wait for him to fall for me.. stronger than before.
I love him. I absolutely do.
I breathe him, I dream him, I am there.
Im always there for you if you need it
Your happiness comes first.
Even if that means you are with someone else.
If they make you happy Im glad you have them.
Ill always be here.. I found my solution, my method.
Using others to move on isnt the solution. The solution is to accept im in love with you and just live life and focus on what matters. If you are meant to be mine, you'll come back because Lord knows ill be here for you forever and whenever. Ill be here.
Te Amo, Te Amo
Im In Love with you
Because,
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